Sunday, February 8, 2015

Flare Ups and Thermomixes

Coming on the back of a renewed determination this year to manage stress and my Crohns disease is a weekend long flare up. When I wasn't paying attention work worries translated themselves into work stresses, and those combined with worrying about Madeleine's health not to mention the perpetual money planning that is forever at the back of my mind have mixed together to become my latest flareup.

For those of you not in the secret Crohn's mystery club, flare up seems to be the euphemism we use to describe any range of painful, uncomfortable, or mortifying circumstances that fall outside the range of day to day management. I tend to use it to explain away a far too intimate relationship with the toilet bowl. It's the most graceful and tactful way to explain to a semi-sympathetic employer why you suddenly need to work from home for the day anyway. As a general rule when I'm 'having a flare up' I tend to not be sleeping well as a result so working from home buys me a little more sleep too.

I fall asleep each night planning, worrying, thinking. I wake up in the morning having executed all those plans, having worked and parented and lived all night long, exhausted from the lack of sleep. Besides work being a little more high pressure than normal right now, Madeleine has been showing some worrying signs.

Over the last couple of months, we've come to realise that she was vomiting and having her own intimate bathroom issues when she ate certain foods. It took us a while to notice a trend, but eventually we realised it was whenever she ate Spaghetti Bolognaise or Lasagna. This was puzzling, because these are regular staples in our home, we would eat it at least once a fortnight, if not more often. But Christmas and holidays meant that life was busy, so I tucked away this trend to deal with on a future day and made a point of cooking something different for Madeleine if those dishes were on the menu.

When will I learn to stop postponing health issues? I've regretted it before, and sure as shit I've regretted it again. She's gone from being sick when she eats Spaghetti and Lasagna, to being sick pretty much every day. Chicken and rice, nuggets and chips, meat and salad sandwiches, pizza, you name it, she's been sick after she eats it. Dr Google and I have diagnosed Maddy with Coelic Disease because of course. Of COURSE. Thanks to me and my Crohns my kids are pretty much guaranteed to get any number of immune conditions. Right?

I'll rationalise this shit later once I've had a chance to get Maddy to a doctor. It will take a few days to get an appointment for her, because our doctor can be hard to get into, but I don't want to see just anyone at a medical centre either.

Crazy, CRAZY dreams have eventuated from all of this. Dreams that start with serious conversations in the workplace, conversations I would never have in a million years, that morph into arguing with the husband about using my annual bonus money to repair the roof instead of buying a Thermomix. Because a Thermomix is the cure for our daughters terminal disease. (Don't get all commonsense on me, I realise that even in the likely hood that she actually has Coelic Disease that it isn't a death sentence). But Husband still, obscenely, insists on repairing the roof. Bastard.

I'm grumpy. And tired. And hungry. But I can't eat, and I can't take a day off work right now. So I will work. And I will flare. And I will get my kid to the doctor as quick as possible so he can tell me whats wrong with her.

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