Thursday, February 6, 2014

Hard Choices, Hard Conversations

We are not a family who like change. Or rather, I am not a person who likes change. I cling tightly to what I know, and value stability in our personal lives above all else.

For this reason my oldest daughter has danced at the same studio for 8+years. We hung in there at her primary school long after it stopped being affordable, and I've worked for the same company for almost 10 years now. Lived in our old home for 10 years, and driven the same car for 5 years. I don't change quickly, lightly, or easily.

This last week has involved some really tough decisions and conversations for me. We've made the choice to abandon the child centre we chose so carefully, the centre who has been involved in our lives for 11 years. Despite being a 20-25 minute drive from both our old home and new, away from the direction of work, we chose to take our babies there as we adored the staff, the same people who had looked after my big girl and my sisters kids. If the same people have worked there for 10+ years somethings right.

But unfortunately the longest lived staff have suddenly started dropping like flies, and it became more and more obvious that they were there for one another, and for the kids, but there was a definite workplace culture problem. With one after the other leaving, I found myself leaving my babies one morning with a junior staff member I had only recently met, along with someone else I had never seen before.

This makes me uncomfortable. My kids don't like strangers, and it takes them a while to warm up. Over the past few weeks we have seen new face after new face and I'm not even sure if these people are one-off casuals or new employee's. Regardless, suddenly the desire to add almost an hour to my journey each day is gone. If my kids do not have the comfort of familiar faces they love then there is no longer any point. Hard as it is, we made the change to move.

Tomorrow is their last day at their old centre, and I am so sad. Sad for the handful of staff we leave behind, who I feel guilty for leaving. I feel as though I am saying they are not enough to keep us, but the reality is I can see they too are unhappy, and I feel certain that the resignations are not over.

Adding to all this angst (I kid you not, I do not make these decisions lightly, this is not a simple change in service providers for me, it is as bad as breaking up with a great boyfriend who just isn't the one), Husband and I made the decision together that I should resign from my Saturday job.

Much as I love it and the benefits that come with it (free classes for my kids at the Gymbaroo I work at) we just need the time back more than anything. My blogging is taking off and I actually made more last month from blogging than I would from my Saturday job. I  think I need to be available for weekend activities with the kids more, so that I can "work" (blog) at night when the kids are asleep. Its a much more family friendly way to earn some spare cash so I handed in an open resignation. I will work for as long as it takes for them find and train a replacement for me, because I don't want to leave them in the lurch.

Do you struggle to have this sort of conversation or is it just me?

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