Saturday, August 10, 2013

Domestic Violence is Never OK

This is not a fluffy post about my kids. Its also not a fun product flog. This is quite possibly the most serious post I will ever write, so I am absolutely OK if people choose not to read it. This post is not really geared towards my existing readers (I'm talking to you, guy in Latvia). It's geared more towards the people who may stumble upon me with the right search terms.

Someone who is very important to me has finally walked away from an abusive marriage. It has been a heart breaking journey of learning what this person has been through. For every word out of their mouth, I alternate between devastation, and fury. And that must only be the edge of what this person is feeling.

I think Elle meant for this to be sexy. I find it the perfect image
for this post.

I have a message for every single woman out there.

Violence within your relationships is never OK.

You did not "make" him do anything. You did not deserve it because you provoked him. Each of us is responsible for our own emotions and actions, and anyone who tries to make you accountable for their violence is just trying to keep you in submission.

You are not "lucky" he did not choose to hit you this time. Do not think you need to repeat whatever behaviours that got you that reprieve from violence.

It is not "normal" for marriages to have this particular kind of up and down. Anyone telling you so does not truly have your best interests at heart.

Love, and fear, are not good enough reasons to stay within a violent relationship. You do not need to make a go of it, and hope they will change.

Once, is too often. If they hit you once with no consequences, they will hit you again. Don't wait for it to happen.

Don't ever feel ashamed of your bruises or marks. The only person who should be ashamed is the person who gave it to you.

Speak up at every opportunity. Don't be afraid of the consequences. Don't be afraid that you might get hit again. He was going to hit you again anyway. Do not lie to cover up their actions.

RUN, don't walk. Get out of this relationship. Turn to family, friends, the police, I don't care. Yes it will be hard emotionally. Yes, it will be challenging to set up a new life as a single women. For every bruise you DON'T get anymore it was worth it.

And lastly, this message is even for those of us in loving, supportive relationships. If you think it doesn't look right, it's probably not. Don't wait till you are certain to speak up and ask the question. Ask at the first opportunity. And ask again. And again. A battered women will probably lie at first. Every time you ask you create a window of opportunity that eventually they may take. It may mean that you are a confrontational and uncomfortable person to be with. It doesn't matter.

If you are in an abusive relationship, please consider calling the Domestic Abuse Hotline on 1800 737 732. There are a number of resources available that differ from state to state. Just google Domestic Abuse Hotline and your state to get some very specific results. There is always help out there for you.


  1. Hear! Hear! An excellent post, and Thank You for writing it. Angela

    1. Thanks Angela, I appreciate the encouragement, this was hard to speak up about xx


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