Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Processing unhappy information

With a colonoscopy looming tomorrow, and the prospect of a Crohn's Disease diagnosis, I'm noticing again how I process unhappy information.
Just like when I lve been given hard choices at work, and when I've had stressful things going on at home, I choose to deal with the prospect of Crohn's Disease by not dealing.
I don't think about it too much. It's just a set of words to me at the moment. I haven't jumped on the Internet with my trusty iPhone to research it, and I haven't asked my doctors any questions about managing it.
This aspect of my stress coping mechanism seems to bother some people though. My mother has frantically researched the disease and determinedly ignored my pleas for ignorance and talked over me telling me everything she could until I snapped at her to stop.
My sister and close friend had the instinct to research, more I think for their own sakes and reassurance because they understood my need to just process the words and not the facts for a little while.
But even nurses, when they come across me having a little sobby pityfest behind the curtains of my curtain feel the need to fill my information void despite my best efforts to stop them.
Am I not normal for not wanting to know? Not wanting to be informed? At the moment I feel a little like not knowing means not happening, and until I have a diagnosis I'm clinging to that.
I'm such a control freak in every other aspect of my life that I don't really get why I stick my head in the sand when I get bad news instead of wanting to talk it through and research.
Maybe after tomorrow. Once I know for sure what's wrong with me I can start to invest emotionally in understanding it.

Are you like me? Do you ignore bad news while you still can, or do you face it and deal with it straight away?


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