Friday, November 23, 2012

Holding pattern

I'm in a holding pattern in hospital. Doctors don't want to be too aggressive (meaning avoiding surgery) in case they do more damage to my messed up insides but they can't seem to repair my insides as fast as the abcess spreads more poison and damage.
In the life is passing me by. My biggest worry when I came into hospital was whether my elf on the shelf (if you haven't heard of it, GOOGLE it, worlds most gorgeous Christmas tradition) would arrive on time for December 1st. Now my concern is that I won't be home to spread the Christmas magic over my home.
I'm into my 4th week in hospital and no closer to being home.
I missed Madeleine's year 7 orientation.
I missed a BBQ with good friends, and since socialising as a family with other families is not something we are often invited to do, this felt devastating.
Lorelei's hair is suddenly long enough for a pony tail, but it wasn't my hands coaxing her little curls into the elastic.
Sebastian is LONG, he curls around my body now instead of fitting across my chest. His little voice finally made the move from wee newborn wails to roaring infant demands. I don't even know when, I was shocked when he started to cry during a recent visit.
There is so much more I've missed, and so much to come that I will also miss. And what's worse, someone else is mothering my babies full time. And they are happy and content with that mothering. I know it's petty of me, but I am jealous of the building bond between my kids and their grandmother, especially Sebastian, even though I know how blessed I am to have people in my life that are able to support us. Rationally I know this extended hospital stay would be worse if my babies were pining for me, so I am happy they are happy, but jealous all the same.
It's times like this that I realise just how many wonderful people we have accumulated in our lives. So many people stepping up to support me and husband Ina myriad of ways whether it be by chauffeuring the kids, providing entertainment for me, or help around the house. I have a lot of good karma to keep circulating once I'm out of here.
In the meantime I make sure I share my magazines with other patients. That counts right?

1 comment:

  1. Did you get my package?? I will be visiting really soon. tomorrow infact.

    ReplyDelete

I LOVE comments. They make my day even if you only say Hi!