Wednesday, September 5, 2012

New Body, No Clothes, and No Money.....

BEFORE: 2010. 
2 years ago I weighed over 100 kilo's. And I was fine with it. Still am actually. I wasn't particularly unhealthy, I was still very active with my kids, and I wasn't all that self conscious about my size. I wasn't always that big, it was just something that gradually happened after I had my first child and went to work in an office instead of on my feet in a child care centre or markets which were my jobs as a teenager and young adult.
I would be annoyed sometimes by the lack of nice clothes available in my size though. I liked clothes as a young adult, and there was nothing more annoying than spotting some fashion trend that would suit a larger frame that wasn't available in the larger sizes. Or if it was, it had been modified with those obvious little tucks and shapes that are for 'big' women.
Anyway, bygones. Not a problem anymore. Between 2 terrible pregnancies in 2011 and 2012, I have lost 40 kilo's. Pregnancy #1 (or 2 if you are kid counting) I never stopped vomiting. Ever. At any given time of day, I might have to grab my giant size zip lock baggie and have a private puke behind my computer screen at work, or discreetly out of the way at the shops. That's when I lost the bulk of the weight, about 30 kilo's.
While I was on maternity leave I couldn't afford to buy new clothes, but there were a handful of items in the wardrobe leftover from skinnier days that fitted, and I kind of modified bigger stuff with safety pins, belts, etc to make them work. It wasn't a good look, but at least I wasn't running around butt nekkid. I kind of figured that once I went back to work I would start increasing the wardrobe.
But surprise! The day before I went back to work I found out I was pregnant again. I'm not sure how I got a job in banking because I clearly can't count.
AFTER: 2 weeks ago. My
face doesn't look as yuk
now though, I've lost
the bags and gaunt look
I was running with.
So it seemed pointless to buy new clothes then, because who knew what size I would be post pregnancy. So again, for the last 7 months I have been making do. Even 8 months pregnant all my old pants were too big for me.
But pregnancy #2 (or 3, how are we counting?) was even worse. The vomiting wasn't as bad, but the pain. Oh my goodness, the pain. It was terrible. No wonder the poor bub came early, he got sick of my moaning and groaning. And because I spent so much time in bed curled up, I missed alot of meals. 10 kilo's later, even the skeleton wardrobe I could fit into before no longer works. I have nothing.
Seriously.
Nothing.

Or close enough. I have a pair of 3/4 tights. A pair or 3/4 black pants. And maybe 4 t-shirt type tops and 2 jackets. That's it!
My knickers bag around my butt, my bra looks like a huge shopping bag with one leetle orange rolling around in it, and the hospital must think I have some kind of dependency on these tights because I rarely show up to give Seb his nappy change and bottle in anything else.
Money is still tight, so I am giving myself to the mission to sell off as much as I can from my current wardrobe to create funds for a new wardrobe.
My big problem now is that I am actually nervous and intimidated by the stores now. It has been 10 years since I could shop in those boutique stores, and I'm not 100% sure if I can now. I don't even know what size I am! 12? 14? I'm scared to go in and have them look at me like I shouldn't be there. I'm petrified of being fitted for a new bra and having the sales assistance see how ridiculous I look in the old one. I don't know why I am more self conscious being a smaller size than I was a larger size, but I am.
I'll share the wardrobe rebuilding as the funding becomes available - suddenly I am so much more interested in fashion blogs than I used to be as I try to work out inexpensive ways of building my wardrobe and looking nice again.
Have you ever had to dramatically overhaul your wardrobe? How did you go about it?

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