Saturday, August 25, 2012

10 Fingers, 10 Toes.....but a little early

My last 9 days have been an even bigger whirlwind than the last 6 months. And every day I feel even more blessed to have the family I have.

9 days ago, after 3 days of agony that I dismissed as a continuation of a challenging and painful pregnancy I gave birth early to a purple, scrunchy, wrinkled little man. At 33 weeks gestation Sebastian decided that my pregnancy had been hard enough and he would put an end to it.

At no point in the last 9 days has anyone given me any reason to believe that my son is in any danger, or that he wouldn't be just fine with a little more time to cook. I feel blessed that I am not one of the women sobbing helplessly as scary news is broken to them.

Dads first cuddle. I love that he
blushes when he's emotional
I was devastated when he was taken from me almost immediately and taken to another hospital where he could get better care. I was away from him for almost 2 days, and I sat and sulked jealously that my husband could be with Seb at the other hospital, caring for him and I couldn't. I met a woman today whos husband died 10 weeks ago, and whos baby was born at 33 weeks this week. I can't imagine going through this on my own. I feel blessed that I have my husband who will drop anything to be with his kids or me, wherever he is needed most.

I have self righteously been a 'trooper' this week. Travelling in every day to be with my boy, and staying at the hospital for 8 hours each day. Its been a hard week, I am still feeling like a truck wreck from the c-section and frankly would love a lie down each day. There are dozens of women with babies in the intensive care unit who are 6, 8, 12 hours drive away from home who stay in the modest accommodations that the hospital is able to provide. These women are away from their other kids, their support networks, and many of them are in as much pain as me. I feel blessed that even after moving hospitals, Seb is only 25 minutes from home. I have no right to sook about being tired or in pain, my boy is where I can get at him quickly, and still be an active parent to my girls at home. (Won't stop me being a sook though).

I'm hardly attached to anything
anymore! I'll be home soon
My budget is shot - I am spending a fortune on takeaway at the moment, mostly for me since the MIL is providing lunch and dinners for Husband and the girls. (She would for me too, but I am enjoying the junk to be honest). She also drives the girls to school and daycare every day, and drops me at the hospital. All this while juggling a self employed husband and kids still living at home herself. I can't even begin to cover off how blessed I feel to have a MIL as supportive as she is, and a relationship that allows me the comfort to let that support in my life. The hard part is that we can't offer the gratification that she (and all relatives!) would love, we don't want anyone else holding Seb at the moment and most people don't understand this.

My boy will need to be in hospital for a little while longer. And I will commute to be with him every day till he is home where he is supposed to be. He'll be home soon enough but for now he is where he needs to be. 

As premmie stories go, mine is tame. It has been an emotional week and a bit, but I know how much worse it could have been. 

3 comments:

  1. Congratulations Elise. What a beautiful baby boy you have.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOVE those photos Especially the last one. My brother looks so happy holding his son. Omg can't wait to come see him hopefully tomorrow. Will call ya.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Congratulations Elise. He is just perfect.

    ReplyDelete

I LOVE comments. They make my day even if you only say Hi!