Saturday, December 31, 2011

Goodbye 2011, Helloooo 2012!

We had a great 2011. A wrap up of the pregnancy from hell with the most adorable squishy baby ever, no less than FOUR new nieces/nephews, and a fantastic year playing stay at home mum for the first time ever to my 10 year old as well as my bubba.
Husband found pride in recognition, appreciation, and value in his new job, and we both remembered that my husband IS someone to be valued in the workplace, an opinion that his old boss carefully chipped away at over 8 years of anger, verbal abuse and contradictions. I'm ashamed of myself, my husband is the hardest worker I know and never took 1 sick day in 8 years of work. I should never have let a 20 something immature kid taking over Daddy's business deteriorate his confidence that much.
We rediscovered the art of marital conversation over the early months of the year as we carpooled to our nearby jobs.
Miss M has needed me more than ever as she navigates the minefield that is the tween years. We have had more serious mother/daughter conversations this year than ever before. Lolly grows before my very eyes, and I am astounded every day by her rapid development.
I wrapped up a fun little challenge at work on my way out, leaving with no loose ends and on a high.
It was a great year. 2012 looks like it might be great too, but I am nervous about whats to come.
I am nervous about settling my sweet baby into childcare. I won't be there when she cries for me and that is already upsetting me 4 weeks before she is due to start!
I am nervous about returning to the workplace. My skip level boss was made redundant and is gone, my immediate boss and I never quite clicked, and I don't know if I will have a job for long to go back to with the restructures impacting my level around about March.
I'm nervous that returning to work means being given a new team (I'm a team leader). A new team means all new staff to get to know, and possible a whole new product line. I am a banker in the depths of my soul, but the restructure has me set more firmly than ever in the call centre division, somewhere I was hoping to escape when I returned.
Returning to work means back to the massive juggle that was my life before. Except now I have a wee baby at home relying on me. Miss M had gotten so independent and so wrapped up in her huge dancing commitment during the week that late nights went unnoticed, as I scooped her up from dancing on the way home. I don't want to miss Lolly's early months so I WILL be putting in the right hours at work but I am scared of the conflicts and challenges in maintaining my work expectations by scaling back my hours.
I worry that sibling resentment which has been completely absent in my home so far will emerge when I no longer have unlimited time to give to my kids. Miss M adores her sister and has not shown any issue with the enormous time investment that a baby needs but she has had so much more of me than ever before with me home this year. And Lolly has had me 100% to herself, how will she feel about sharing the little time she has with me with her sister?
Our finances are scary this year. Tight, BEYOND tight, although I am keeping my fingers crossed for at LEAST 4% payrises for us both (pleasepleaseplease) to try and help combat the money situation. There is a certain amount of blind faith happening that I will find a way to pay all the bills.
Most of these concerns I will just have to wait and see. I can mentally plan and obsess all I like but only time will tell so I keep telling myself I need to not waste the 4 weeks I have left at home by stressing. There is plenty of  time for that later.
I hope your 2011 has been as happy as mine and that your 2012 is less uncertain! Happy new year everyone xx

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